Judge’s comments: Three essential
ways to make a better haiku
Selections and comments by
Isamu Hashimoto
1. Lavana Kray
(Iasi, Romania)
**
family tea party—
mom asks
who is everyone
Comment: Sorrowful, but this
is happening everywhere in this floating
world.
flock of cranes
dwindling
in a funnel shape cloud
Comment: The second line
comes from the eyes of a haijin.
2. oana boazu
(Galati, Romania)
*
calligraphy:
two wild hawthorns
completely leafless
polar vortex—
spinning the whirligig
near the fireplace
dramatic makeup—
over a ruined building
the sunrise
sea storm
the fishery lantern
barely blinks
3. Ana Drobot
(Bucharest, Romania)
***
Victorian fireplace—
her shadow and his
running about the room
Comment: I wish I had such a
gorgeous Victorian fireplace. Now I am
using a movable foot warmer.
morning train—
someone starts
peeling an orange
Comment: The author takes a
train for work and regains some fresh power with the splash of the fruit.
spring-time—
how fast the river goes
into the mill
his eyes
look into mine—
therapy
I dive
into the swimming pool...
silence
Comment: The one word
“silence” in the deep water is appropriate
about to land
crawling through the fields
the plane’s shadow
.
Comment: This is a good
example of the shadow in a haiku making the object
more clear and vivid.
bright morning—
the light bulb still on
in my orange juice
4. Cezar-Florin Ciobica
(Botosani, Romania)
**
ice fishing...
the hole too small
for the full moon
Orion...
the old hound
groans in sleep
Comment: The third line is an
excellent haiku punch line.
spring dreams
mom remembers
who I am
Comment: Congratulations!
Mom’s consciousness will be clearer, I hope.
5. Stelianna Cristina Voicu
(Prahova, Romania)
**
dawning...
the lighthouse alone
supporting the sky
Comment: An excellent mere
description of the surroundings. “Supporting” is
the best choice of word.
6. Dan Iulian
(Bucharest, Romania)
**
long twilight—
the cry of the last crane
suspended in the air
Comment: The first line is
effective and irreplaceable, though we have
lots of these “suspended cries.”
Dana Iulian
(Bucharest, Romania)
**
caprice for violin—
the nightingale puts
once more sharp
Comment: The author has a keen ear for music.
Caprice: capriccio.
7. Razvan Pintea
(Bucharest, Romania)
**
gray morning
turning off
red casino lights
Comment: Win or lose, the
morning sun will rise in the east.
8. Vasile Moldovan
(Bucharest, Romania)
**
Above all
the full moon
alone
Comment: Beautifully alone.
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