miercuri, 20 aprilie 2016

Annual Selection 2015 Haiku English in Mainichi

Judge’s comments: Three essential ways to make a better haiku
Selections and comments by Isamu Hashimoto

1. Lavana Kray
(Iasi, Romania)
family tea party—
mom asks
who is everyone

Comment: Sorrowful, but this is happening everywhere in this floating world.

flock of cranes
in a funnel shape cloud

Comment: The second line comes from the eyes of a haijin.

2. oana boazu
(Galati, Romania)
two wild hawthorns
completely leafless

polar vortex—
spinning the whirligig
near the fireplace

dramatic makeup—
over a ruined building
the sunrise

sea storm
the fishery lantern
barely blinks

3. Ana Drobot
(Bucharest, Romania)
Victorian fireplace—
her shadow and his
running about the room

Comment: I wish I had such a gorgeous Victorian fireplace. Now I am using a movable foot warmer.

morning train—
someone starts
peeling an orange
Comment: The author takes a train for work and regains some fresh power with the splash of the fruit.

how fast the river goes
into the mill

his eyes
look into mine—

I dive
into the swimming pool...

Comment: The one word “silence” in the deep water is appropriate

about to land
crawling through the fields
the plane’s shadow
Comment: This is a good example of the shadow in a haiku making the object more clear and vivid.

bright morning—
the light bulb still on
in my orange juice

4. Cezar-Florin Ciobica
(Botosani, Romania)
ice fishing...
the hole too small
for the full moon

the old hound
groans in sleep

Comment: The third line is an excellent haiku punch line.

spring dreams
mom remembers
who I am

Comment: Congratulations! Mom’s consciousness will be clearer, I hope.

5. Stelianna Cristina Voicu
(Prahova, Romania)
the lighthouse alone
supporting the sky

Comment: An excellent mere description of the surroundings. “Supporting” is the best choice of word.

6. Dan Iulian
(Bucharest, Romania)
long twilight—
the cry of the last crane
suspended in the air

Comment: The first line is effective and irreplaceable, though we have lots of these “suspended cries.”

Dana Iulian
(Bucharest, Romania)
caprice for violin—
the nightingale puts
once more sharp

Comment: The author has a keen ear for music.
Caprice: capriccio.

7. Razvan Pintea
(Bucharest, Romania)
gray morning
turning off
red casino lights
Comment: Win or lose, the morning sun will rise in the east.

8. Vasile Moldovan
(Bucharest, Romania)
Above all
the full moon

Comment: Beautifully alone.

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